Speed of Light

March 19, 2011

I feel like crap this afternoon. Why, you ask? Well, I got a little obsessive about having a sundae. And I dragged my daughter to Ben and Jerrys and we each got a Brownie Sundae. I ate the whole fucking thing. Ugh. After I was about six bites into it I knew that it wasnt a good idea. I started to feel sick. But I finished it anyway. Gag. And now I am paying for it with horrible fatigue, a racing heart, and an overall shitty feeling. I.will.never.learn. Period.

I dont do the ice cream thing often, at least not like this. Shit. Gelato or frozen yogurt in responsible portions, occasionally. Something like this happens about once a year. So I can let it ride.

I am seriously getting boring. I havent been out with a man in quite a while. I have had a quickie here or there, but nothing substantial. :::sigh::: I really miss that Cute Boy I like (fell in love with by accident). That hurts way more than I expected it to. He is really the only one I want and that is a problem.

On the more exciting, go, go, go, side - I am moving at the speed of light, or at least that is how it feels. I have learned so much over the last few days about the medical school application process and have been told that even with a 4.0, great MCAT scores, and a lot of public service and certifications - my age is going to be a huge handicap. I do have a plan B, though...actually several plan Bs :)

I plan to become a Certified Professional Midwife (here we go AGAIN) within the next couple of years and I hope to serve in underprivileged areas/countries for a little while. That really lights my fire...and I thought that calling had stopped burning a long, long time ago :)

I am busy putting together wellness outlines for a couple of community action programs and I am working on my book. Oh, yeah, and I am still going to school 20 credit hours, working on establishing a Positive Psychology Club there :D, and have signed up for 16 credit hours over the summer (dont ask, it is more intense than the schedule I am keeping right now). I am still not exercising, but I think I am going to take Peter's advice and train for a half marathon. I am horribly unconditioned right now so I am using Hal Hidgons NOVICE program :).

I will likely have the month of August off and I am thinking about hiking the Vermont Long Trail with my daughter. Gotta have those "ECs" for the med school ap. I am giving myself 3-5 years to become more than great :) I have so many amazing things planned over the next couple of years that I can hardly contain myself thinking about all of them! I am going to a Positive Psychology conference in July. I am going to the Movers And Shakers conference in September. I am enrolled full time in a midwifery program. I plan to continue on for a second year as well. I am going to make trips to a number of different midwifery schools in the US for specialized classes and workshops and to network. And then beginning soon, I am going to start traveling to different sites to practice clinically.

I am also developing womens health (childbirth education, breastfeeding, etc) and wellness (healthy habits, nutrition, fitness, weightloss) for local community action programs, schools, etc. I am busy. If I dont focus, I get overwhelmed.

I am happy for the most part though :) Albeit a little one edge. I cannot stand my EMT partner - and Thursday was the last fucking straw. She made a comment and I called her a bitch and a cunt and asked for a new partner. :::sigh::: Hopefully Tuesday will be better :)

I learned about Diamond Self last week. I think I was my Diamond Self sometime in early 2010 but I am definitely not right now. I am not dressing nice, my hair is a mess, no makeup...ugh...and I dont feel my best either. I need to rectify that but its hard when all I am doing is studying and working. Priorities, priorities...

I am rambling now...hope you all dont mind...

Back to work... :)


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