Happy Saturday!

April 9, 2011

I am tired. REALLY tired. I am leaving Amherst shortly after a very full day of midwifery. I must say...it will NEVER cease to amaze me how ignorant women are about their bodies. And that is all I am going to say about today.

I love the course and the work. I am constantly amazed at how much I remember. I have ready many of these text books from cover to cover more than once...but it was long ago. It's all still in there though. I am beginning to to think I am really not "normal."

We share a pot-luck vegetarian lunch. There are so many good things to eat and I just want to try it all. So...you can see where this is going...I overeat. And I put away a lot of sugar (chocolate and three small oatmeal cookies - eaten throughout the day, but still). I had bread, (actually like 4 small pieces...sprouted grain cinnamon raisin), some yummy cheese, soup, salad, crackers....ugh...oh...and I had a latte and rice crispy bar at Starbucks earlier in the morning and I currently have a latte and cookie. :::sigh:::

Yes...I feel like shit. I never, ever, ever learn. It is like with The Married Guy and The Cute Boy....I just cant help my damn self...and then I pay for it. I think I need to try to psychoanalyze myself and then treat my issues with cognitive therapy and habit training...ugh...I wish it was that easy.

Tomorrow is a new day.

So happy to have this opportunity. So happy to be here. So happy to have the hippy, crunchy books sitting next to me. And so thankful for the "sisterhood." I am where I need to be. Mostly.

I brought a birth video with me to show the class. It is an old VHS that belonged to the BagLady. I dont know why I still had it. It is a beautiful video that was put together by a group of doulas and was given to me in trade for some graphic design and web design I did for them (yeah....I can do that, too...dont ask). I found it when I went rifling through my music cabinet (where I keep baby books and some of The BagLady's other things) looking for whatever might be left of my midwifery/birth stuff and I found the video and a small fetal model. I felt really weird after I found it and I really thought I would "lose it" if/when I watched it. But here's the thing...I didnt get weird. And I am totally OK :D I am surprised. Honestly. :)

Same with some of the shit that happened over the last week. Shook me a little bit...but within an hour I was totally over it. Maybe...just maybe...I am completely "over it."

I am getting too fat. Not exercising and eating like shit is going to kill me.

Tomorrow *is* a new day :)

And I'll be fine.

Aside from being tired and in a sugar coma (ugh...does it feel shitty) I am happy and content. Not sure how I am going to pull off everything I think I am going to pull off...everything that I want to pull off...just taking it one step at a time... :)

I have a two hour ride home...

Later :)




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Location:Hadley, MA