Hey hey!!

April 21, 2011

Ugh. I promised (myself) that I was going to start updating at least once a day again, and, well, I didn’t. :::sigh:::

I am really busy. Busier than I think I have ever been in my life, and that includes the years filled with multiple babies and toddlers, and cloth diapers, and homeschooling, and dance, and 4H, and girl scouts.

But it really is all about priorities. And what I am obsessed with at the time I guess. Right now, all I can think about is getting myself into medical school. Why? I’m not quite sure exactly why.

OK. I guess I pretty much do know and it encompasses several reasons. The first one – honestly is because I want to know the ways of the mind. Huh? You say…Why not just study psychology or social work or something like that – why bother with medicine? Well…I’ve got that covered somewhat…I am a psychology major. But I have to believe that there are biological considerations, too. I need to know. I need to find certain things…and I need to use every single avenue I can to get to it. Medicine is simply one of them.

When I say the workings of the mind, I mean in relation to addiction, behavior, and habits – most specifically related to weight loss and depression; hopelessness and helplessness. And as you know, I have a strong interest in women’s health and birth. I, honestly, with everything I’ve got, want to make a difference. If I can take just one person and bring them back from where I was – to the Other Side – this entire journey will not have been taken in vain. And I mean that. Because this is a shit-pile of work. More than I ever expected.

The second reason is because I consider MD to be the highest level “piece of paper” one can academically acquire. This is my personal opinion. I want it.

And the third…I have been told by too many people that I won’t make it. Well, thanks for that…because you have just guaranteed I will succeed. Don’t tell me what I can’t do. SUCK IT.

I had a rough couple of weeks – I was really down on myself and tired of the incessant reading and writing and I just wanted to jump off of a bridge or lay down in traffic. It was a couple of 20something students that pulled me back out of the mud…for them, I am thankful. When I look back on it NOW I can kinda see a hormonal pattern that was likely responsible.

After my last post, I did end up going for a run. The first one in MONTHS and that was it – the only one. It hurt. It was hard. I am lazy. And that sucks.

Other than my school work, I have let things go – primarily diet and exercise. OK, not diet so much – aside from I am not really counting and eating sugar and drinking coffee. I have recently found a few articles that talk about sugar and decreasing cognition – soooooo …. Maybe that is a good enough reason for me to stop it J Or not. I tried to find a link between cognition and caffeine but all I could come up with was that it was HELPFUL to consume it before and exam…that scores could be raised. OK…I was going to give it up…but right before a major exam I downed a HUGE latte. I haven’t seen the score yet…so we’ll see.

Exercise in non-existant. I have simply just gotten out of the habit. Ugh. I like to use the excuse I have NO TIME – but if I made it a PRIORITY there would be PLENTY of time. See how that works?

I don’t REALLY have time to take an entire Wednesday and drive out of my way to attend a Positive Psychology class for hours that I have ALREADY taken and gotten an A in. But it is a PRIORITY to me and I ENJOY it. I look forward to Wednesday ALL week and it is truly my favorite day of the week. Unfortunately, there are only 4 classes left in the semester. Ugh.

I also DO NOT have time to be adding a thousand or more pages to my reading schedule, writing papers, working on definitions, doing artwork and taking an ENTIRE Saturday once a month (sometimes more) for a program in midwifery. But I have made it a PRIORITY – and I enjoy it …so there is time.

See how that works???

I just have to get my shit together and decide what is important. Sure…my 3.8-4.0 GPA still HAS to be #1 if I am going to have a chance at getting into medical school. But I am going to lose the desire to live if I gain anymore weight. I am still at the weight I have been for a couple of years – but it is not my lowest, I do not feel my best, and I have weight to lose. :::sigh:::

I also FEEL better when I exercise and eat well. And that is important.

And so it goes…

In other news, that Cute Boy I like is having a great time teasing the hell out of me and messing with my head. Ugh. I miss him so much. I want to see him SO bad. But…well…

That’s the other thing…I have been out like three times since this semester started. I suck…and not dick either…ugh. B OR I N G. That needs to become a priority again too.

Alright…I have “wasted” enough time. J I have books that need reading….and it is time to head to campus. Long day today…

See ya.